Mar 01 2010
Discussion: consider the carrot
With writing, as in so much of life, your internal attitude or perspective is a large part of what defines how and how much you succeed. One of the more sad patterns I see newer writers (and sometimes those not-so-new as well) engaging in, is developing an almost (or actual) antagonistic relationship with their writing and process. It becomes a quasi-hated chore, to be avoided as often as attempted. Or perhaps they treat writing as a demanding parent, and they the rebelling teen. Whatever your analogy of choice, why does this happen?
Is it the old Puritanical saw about too much fun in the work you do being somehow sinful? Twisting the Buddhist premise that “life is suffering” to mean you should live in suffering? A self-destructive aversion to expressing your creative impulses? Old triggers from punishments for “doodling” or “scribbling” carried into your adult years? Shitty parents that you didn’t leave behind when you moved out, their ghosts undermining your confidence in your own mind long after their words cease echoing in your ears? A belief or attachment to the myth of the tortured, agonized artist achieving greatness? Guilt, in general or specific?
I think all of these happen, and likely more not listed, depending on the person involved. We’re far more likely to beat ourselves up, on average, than pat ourselves on the back. How many of you had a parent who, when you presented them with a “95″ score on a test, said “What happened to the other five points?” rather than “That’s excellent, darling!” A lifetime of messages like that and you’ll quickly learn to look for the half-a-worm in every apple. Practice that enough, and looking for the worm first — or only — becomes not only reality, but the way it should be. It’s comfortable. Protective. Wanting good things only gets you hurt, in the end, right?
Consider: as an adult, you now have the power to give yourself gifts that no one else ever did. It is not always an easy choice or a smooth path, but you can learn more healthy models for caring and nurturing yourself than you previously knew. Taking better care of yourself than anyone else ever did is such a stronger slap-in-the-face for those oppressor types then following the self-destructive path they carefully laid out for you and “always knew you’d end up like”. Figuring out how to find moments of happiness, creativity, and contentment in your life is perhaps the only true revenge you can have, in the end, against the folks trying to keep you at their level of miserable.
One possible way to start working this out is ask yourself this: How do you self-motivate on activities you want to do, versus activities you don’t want to do but need finished anyway? (I presume the first question has already been pondered, that of “do you want to write? really WANT to?” Which can be its own scary process, because allowing ourselves to really want something can feel vulnerable, which goes right back to all that other baggage carried.)
The “stick” motivation can actually be reasonably useful in the second category, that of getting done the things you’d rather not spend time on but need to for functional adulthood. Sure, “carrot” can work here too, as delayed gratification, or gifts to your future self: you’ll be really glad later that you got this thing out of the way. However, some people have conceptual or even biochemical difficulties in future-based motivation; activities like going to work, washing the dishes, showering, and life’s other little maintenances have to get done whether your future self likes it or not.
Where “stick” makes much less sense is in activities that we actually want to engage in. Again, thanks to our current culture and common parenting practices, most of us don’t have much experience in positive feedback and reward-based models. Most dysfunctional households make rewards non-existent or deliberately capricious, so that you learn to inherently distrust them. One of the points of adulthood is learning how to have a less dysfunctional relationship with yourself (whether you can achieve same with your family-of-origin totally depends on the family; your responsibility first is caring for you).
So what are activities that you actually enjoy and seek out? A favorite show you keep up with, games you play, a craft or hobby you enjoy obsessing over randomly? How do you feel when you do these things? What are some aspects of deciding to engage in a pleasurable activity that you can bring to your writing (or other creative act)? Shifting from habits of avoiding your writing as a tedious chore, to seeking it out as a fun game you play with yourself, isn’t the easiest work in the world to do. There’s likely many years of low-grade frustration and resentment clouding the way. You are worth that work.
You’re allowed to feel good about being creative. You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to do a better job caring for you than your parents or significant others did/do. You’re allowed to have fun, and get work done. And definitely, allowed to create.
Thoughts?
The activities that I seek out and enjoy are 1) reading and 2) dancing, both of which I think are good for stimulating creative impulses for writing. Reading, for me, activates the sections of my brain that get me thinking up ideas and it just helps to keep my brain sharp overall. Dancing is not only a good outlet for pent-up physical energy, but over the years has become a sort of meditation for me. It really helps me to focus my thoughts and energies.
Personally, the only thing that has held me back from writing over the years was the “I’m not good enough to write” feeling. I haven’t really thought back and tried to pinpoint where or how this feeling began for me though. Excluding a couple incidents during my childhood, my family was always pretty supportive of my interests so I’m sure whatever caused that was some inner voice deep down telling me I wouldn’t be successful writing.
Thankfully, I seem to be over that hump…now I just need to be a little less self-conscious about letting other people read the stories I finish, but even that doesn’t seem to be as bad as it used to be.
@Derek - “Not good enough” probably has enough meat for its own post, that’s definitely a pervasive one.
Many writer sites out there encourage new (and old) writers to read, read, read, both within and outside of the genres one writes in. I haven’t found reason to argue with that advice yet, though I think even there one can have exceptions temporarily.
And of course, the “healthy body, healthy mind” principle works for writers as well. Even more than a more active job or hobby, a writer has to remember to include activities weekly that get them up out of the chair and get the blood flowing. Not enough movement can stifle creativity easily.
Learning how to helpfully give and receive critique is its own skill. Do you have any more specific concerns or questions about that? I could probably do a few posts on that topic as well, if people wanted.
In our house growing up, anything we could create or do was pretty much treated as a waste of time, no matter how good it was or how excited we were about it, if it wasn’t all about spreading the Word. I’ve got an amazingly creative group of siblings, so this was a message we got constantly. Its still a belief system my parents are firmly entrenched in and I’ve had it spouted at me as recently as this past New Years. Its pretty appalling really.
Feeling like I’m wasting my time is a big huge block in pretty much everything I enjoy. If I’m miserable doing it then obviously its worthwhile, but I’m enjoying it then I’m being self-indulgent. Twisty turny is the brain.
I’ve learned to shut that particular voice in a closet most of the time. One of my favorite ways to counteract it is to worry less about being good and more about enjoying the PROCESS of whatever it is I’m doing. If I can’t enjoy the process, or play the mental games with myself to convince myself that what I’m doing is in service of something I enjoy, I just can’t seem to manage to do it. Some (including parts of myself) call it lack of self-discipline or selfishness, but I try to remember that really its just my own personal set of priorities. Looking at it that way wouldn’t work for everyone, I’m guessing, but for now, it totally works for me.
Oh yes, lately I have definitely been branching out and trying to read things in all types of genres to expand my influences and not just confine myself to sci-fi/fantasy. That has already helped a great deal! =)
I don’t really have any specific questions or concerns about giving and receiving critique, but I will say that it relates closely to dancing for me in the sense that letting someone read and critique a story I write is similar to getting over the stage fright or the “all-eyes-on-you” syndrome that prevented me from getting out on the dance floor and cutting loose.
I guess the key there is “helpful” critique. Aside from family, most of the critique I have received during my life was either poorly worded, or just in poor taste, which isn’t helpful at all.
If you post it, I will comment.
@Andrea - That sounds stifling. Glad you’ve found some brain hacks that allow you to create gorgeous art anyway after that sort of beginning! “Wasting time doing things we enjoy” sounds like a modified version of the Puritan ethic that has warped this country’s culture from the beginning, le sigh.
@ Derek - Interesting analogy for critique! I wouldn’t have necessarily thought of it that way, having been born with a deficiency of stage fright (hehe), but it makes sense.
I’ve heard that about unhelpful critique from other writers before, and it sounds pretty bad. I’ve been fairly fortunate to receive reasonably good critique overall, and have enough confidence in my work that the occasional bad one doesn’t really stick, but then again had a good editor early on who taught me what to look for in good critique.
I met someone the other day who is really struggling to find good critique of her work, and has unfortunately fallen in with a “book doctor”, the sort of scam artist that gives freelance editors a bad name. I offered to give her a sample chapter critique of what I felt one should look like, so she could compare them both and make her decision on her current arrangement at that point. Lack of access to good, informed opinions can potentially slow your progress down…but ill-advised or poor opinions can do worse damage to your craft.
Never heard the term “book doctor”, can you explain that in more detail for me? Or would that require a new post?
@Derek - Here are a couple of links about book doctors. Hers is I think a more grassroots version, small-time scammer. He’s taking money or trade for his services, but still pulling a lot of the same problems by either giving a bunch of “wow this is really great!” cheerleading, or telling her to rewrite entire sections based on “writing rules” that he tells her about with great definitiveness. (Cheerleading is fine, and I recommend every writer have a reader or three that does just that. However, far less useful in an editor. Also, I’ve told you before my opinion about people who spread t concept of writing “rules” as one-true-way-isms or How Everyone (who wants to get published) Should Write.) I think he may have also done some vague “this is how you write if you want it to sell” sort of advice. Shady stuff, but she’s clinging to it right now because she doesn’t see herself having better options and knows that there’s stuff wrong with her work that she can’t automatically fix on her own.
It’s a really frustrating place to be in, and I can totally empathize with those stuck there. After all, when I “failed” at my first novel I didn’t write again for years! This was before the popularity explosion of the internet, and I didn’t have any local, easy, “how to write and fix a novel” classes.
And you DO have to pay for good freelance editing work, if you decide to go that route. You’re lucky in that you know a couple of ethical editors *grin* that’ll hook you up deal-wise (yay blood bonds!), but it’s often hard to separate the scam artists from the good guys that really can improve your book. Educating yourself on what to look for and then believing the signs when you find them is about the only way to protect yourself when trying to find editing help for a project.
Thanks for the links and the explanation. I do hope that this person lets you read the first chapter of her work like you had offered.