Comments on: Cancer Chronicles: A Tale of Perfect Breasts Gone Rogue http://reesabrown.com/2010/09/08/cancer-chronicles-a-tale-of-perfect-breasts-gone-rogue/ the life and writerly times of Reesa Brown Mon, 21 May 2012 23:52:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: Reesa http://reesabrown.com/2010/09/08/cancer-chronicles-a-tale-of-perfect-breasts-gone-rogue/#comment-1641 Reesa Mon, 13 Sep 2010 14:43:53 +0000 http://reesabrown.com/?p=1002#comment-1641 @Kathryn -- I think that's a very good point. The fact that we can control our appearance somewhat means that we can help craft and shape our own public image in ways that please us. It makes sense to me to not necessarily want to be "Chemo Chick" in public because people are indeed often thoughtless, rude, or ignorant in the questions they ask. And it's always good to hear about supportive partners! @Kathryn — I think that’s a very good point. The fact that we can control our appearance somewhat means that we can help craft and shape our own public image in ways that please us. It makes sense to me to not necessarily want to be “Chemo Chick” in public because people are indeed often thoughtless, rude, or ignorant in the questions they ask. And it’s always good to hear about supportive partners!

]]> By: Kathryn http://reesabrown.com/2010/09/08/cancer-chronicles-a-tale-of-perfect-breasts-gone-rogue/#comment-1640 Kathryn Mon, 13 Sep 2010 14:24:09 +0000 http://reesabrown.com/?p=1002#comment-1640 Exactly how we appear in public is always fraught with cultural pitfalls. From the too short pants/skirt or too much makeup to the falling down pants and too much jewelry, there are cultural signifiers that place you in generational/educational/income cohorts. How much more significant are actual body changes! Most of the changes from cancer are generally hidden (fatigue, nausea) from casual observation, but sudden breast size changes, hair loss, and weight loss can be a bit harder to explain. I wear a wig not to fool people into believing my hair is always perfect, but to forestall questions about why I am ill. I have managed to go out in public with a scarf (obviously no hair under it, but it does again forestall awkward questions). I have not gone out in public with my scruffy part mohawk ends of my chemo permed hair though I am perfectly happy to have my husband experience it. He even loves to rub it like a puppy. Once you realize that YOU are still YOU, then even some of the most radical bodily changes just become a stop along the way and not the major defining condition. Exactly how we appear in public is always fraught with cultural pitfalls. From the too short pants/skirt or too much makeup to the falling down pants and too much jewelry, there are cultural signifiers that place you in generational/educational/income cohorts. How much more significant are actual body changes! Most of the changes from cancer are generally hidden (fatigue, nausea) from casual observation, but sudden breast size changes, hair loss, and weight loss can be a bit harder to explain. I wear a wig not to fool people into believing my hair is always perfect, but to forestall questions about why I am ill. I have managed to go out in public with a scarf (obviously no hair under it, but it does again forestall awkward questions). I have not gone out in public with my scruffy part mohawk ends of my chemo permed hair though I am perfectly happy to have my husband experience it. He even loves to rub it like a puppy. Once you realize that YOU are still YOU, then even some of the most radical bodily changes just become a stop along the way and not the major defining condition.

]]> By: Reesa http://reesabrown.com/2010/09/08/cancer-chronicles-a-tale-of-perfect-breasts-gone-rogue/#comment-1626 Reesa Fri, 10 Sep 2010 12:41:01 +0000 http://reesabrown.com/?p=1002#comment-1626 @Cheryl -- Thanks for the invite! Glad to hear you are getting more adventurous the older you get, it's definitely the way to go! @Cheryl — Thanks for the invite! Glad to hear you are getting more adventurous the older you get, it’s definitely the way to go!

]]> By: Cheryl McLay http://reesabrown.com/2010/09/08/cancer-chronicles-a-tale-of-perfect-breasts-gone-rogue/#comment-1618 Cheryl McLay Thu, 09 Sep 2010 04:57:14 +0000 http://reesabrown.com/?p=1002#comment-1618 I think you have the right idea of it- it's your body and you get to feel what you feel. If you accept your body, no doubt you also project that to others who are more likely to accept you as you are. When I was younger (and had no tits to speak of for quite some time), I hid my shortened leg, hid the scars, rarely went out in public without my prosthesis. As I have grown older and wiser (and ostensibly wilder), I don't care what "they" think. I do whatever is comfortable for me. And the people whose opinions for which I do care, they always seem to follow my lead. In fact, a colleague one time got rather annoyed that I had parked in a handicapped parking slot because he just didn't see me as handicapped! As I have become more adventurous (after my divorce), I always told potential lovers about my leg before our first meeting (except for one time when I forgot until the gentleman was on his way to my house!!). With rare exceptions, their attitude was "so??" (and the one or two gentlemen who did not wish to meet me when I told them about my amputation just never knew what they missed!! Not my prob.) Those lovers who wished to get to know me, who I really am, did not seem to give a damn how many legs I have. And I do believe that is because I don't care!! It is part of how I look, how I do things, it is not who I am. And if you ever care to swim and sunbathe (with appropriate sunscreen!!) in my very private back yard where swimsuits are entirely optional, please let me know! I think you have the right idea of it- it’s your body and you get to feel what you feel. If you accept your body, no doubt you also project that to others who are more likely to accept you as you are.

When I was younger (and had no tits to speak of for quite some time), I hid my shortened leg, hid the scars, rarely went out in public without my prosthesis. As I have grown older and wiser (and ostensibly wilder), I don’t care what “they” think. I do whatever is comfortable for me. And the people whose opinions for which I do care, they always seem to follow my lead. In fact, a colleague one time got rather annoyed that I had parked in a handicapped parking slot because he just didn’t see me as handicapped!

As I have become more adventurous (after my divorce), I always told potential lovers about my leg before our first meeting (except for one time when I forgot until the gentleman was on his way to my house!!). With rare exceptions, their attitude was “so??” (and the one or two gentlemen who did not wish to meet me when I told them about my amputation just never knew what they missed!! Not my prob.) Those lovers who wished to get to know me, who I really am, did not seem to give a damn how many legs I have. And I do believe that is because I don’t care!! It is part of how I look, how I do things, it is not who I am.

And if you ever care to swim and sunbathe (with appropriate sunscreen!!) in my very private back yard where swimsuits are entirely optional, please let me know!

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