Nov 09 2011
Revised release day for me is tomorrow(Wednesday), I still feel mostly like I’ve been dragged over a gravel road for a few miles, but it’s an improvement on when I came in, so there’s something, anyway. I rant here a lot about my loss of energy and stamina, but you’ll have to put up with a little more for a little while. At least it’s not all that.
Sat in a chair too long and needed IV morphine to stop the back spasm after getting back into bed, it’s made the rest of the day extra painful. I still did a walk for PT, and ended up needing IV again later on when the back wouldn’t shut up again.
Thought I’d lost this post when I passed out over the keyboard, but thankfully autodraft save saved the draft-day. Definitely a crankypants day and seems like I have too many of those on this blog lately, but that is the reality of my life: It’s hard, and a lot of it sucks right now, and I’m superlow on the internal cheerleading needed to have it otherwise. Ra ra, infection and bloodclots took all my physical stamina away. So now I’m a horse with a handicap weight, starting behind the start line instead of at it like the other little ponies. Not fun, not fair, not much to do about it other than the same old soldier through and believe that surely, this time, someone else out there is a target for the universe and not me, and it’s my turn finally for some kind of damn break just for a while, to heal up and get a chance to enjoy my daughter before she’s grown (at the rate shes going who knows? already crawling). I just need the rest, the break, the recharge, the change from having badness of such large magnitude be what I get. Quiet time. Nap time. Rejuvenation. Rebirth phase of the Phoenix. These are what I”m ready for, what I NEED, far past wanting. So that’s what I want for Christmas. Preferably an early Xmas present. That and probably some lymphedema sleeves, I’ll know more once I get that appointment to get measured. But really, Santa, a break is all I NEED.
Arrrrrgh, just had another horrible back spasm getting back into bed. And that’s being careful and everything. Please, please no more, we don’t have the good quick-acting IV stuff at the house. Let this just be a sign I need to be home and finishing recuperating there.
On the good side of things, I’ve got 8 stories floating out and about, and only 4 more that I can even try to clean up and circulate (one of which will likely never, ever get published even though all my friends like it because it involves violating two sacred taboos, Santa Claus and children), so It’s about time to start trying to turn the creative juices to some actual new work. I do have one new project that I’ll be setting up on another blog, so for those of you in the know (or those of you who just want to render an opinion), which of these themes do you like better? Dusk to Dawn or Chateau And hopefully I’ll hear from my visual artist soon on last year’s project so we can get that finished and out into the world where it belongs. Love to you all!