Nov 13 2011
Though I only saw my doctor once this week, a conversation with someone close to me made me thankful all over again at the trust that doctor gives in managing my own pain medication. It’s been made clear to me that even though my very own doctor believes me to be mentally competent to track and manage my own pain levels and how the narcotics are affecting me, the belief is not shared by everyone in my life. It’s more surprising than it should be, I suppose. I men, falling asleep more and having periods of time of being unable to stay awake or grogginess aren’t just narcotic effects, they’re also body healing actions that the narcotics help encourage. The morning slow start is due to both and again, manageable. But I’m definitely more surprised than I should be to learn for sure that there are people out there who know and interact with me that believe the narcotics have heavily affected my thinking or my brain. Especially when most people have commented how impressed they are about how lucid I am on this many narcotics, and again the mutual trust built and established with the doctor about that very issue. I have my own fairly strong theories as to why the people who think me to be more incapacitated than I am think that way, but it’s not worth talking about here. Just interesting to note how different people have reacted/are reacting to my situation. Thank you to those of you who do see and believe in me. And trust me, I’m quite looking forward to the days when I can start ramping down from this level of narcotics; it’ll mean that I’m finally getting better. And it IS true that my brain had to adapt to that level of drugs; instead of thirteen or more thought tracks at once, I’m reduced to about half that, and some days that IS frustrating. But it’s nowhere near non-lucidity, and I think I know enough about myself to speak up if I can’t handle something. Right now I can’t handle having to stay in the hospital, but there’s not much to be done about that nor is it related to my brain power or lack thereof. Everyone send non-broken hip thoughts my way, please. A strained muscle I can PT much easily back from than a femur or pelvic fracture, so send “intact” prayers, chants, thoughts, lit candles, or whatever way you send out good thoughts to others.
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