Sep 20 2011
My underarm is not supposed to make a sound like air escaping from a blown-up balloon as you pinch it just enough to let air out from the blowing end. There’s obviously a hole somewhere. Thankfully the doc appointment is tomorrow. But oh how gross. I hope it’s something to do with the broken drain on that side, and not something worse. Gross, ugh, gross.
The left side, that just had the completion mastectomy, at least is healing beautifully. The drain holes on that side huuuurt. But otherwise it’s fine. I’m worried about what we’re going to do about the right side, even though I know worrying is wasted energy. It is what it is, and will be, and I’ll survive it.
I’m worried about the scans on Wednesday, and what we’ll learn from that. I suspect that each scan will be met with some trepidation ahead of time, even when I’m healed and healthy and just doing my two-month maintenance scans. After all, that’s the first sign that something goes wrong, is if those scans change what they tell us. I trust my doctor implicitly, I know he already has a plan B, C, and D in place for whatever shows up, but I’m so ready for some time to just follow a plan A for myself for a while: heal myself, take care of my kids and my family, write my stories of fear and joy, finish my collaborative art project with my artist friend who I believe strongly in, travel around and learn more about this crazy and terrible and beautiful world we live in, and test clean and consistent on my 2-month scans repeatedly. Reconnect with others, make some sort of difference in peoples’ lives for the better, fill myself and the world with joy because we could always use more of that. Love. Live.
But first, gotta get past this gross wound-healing stage. Wish me a speedier and complication-free healing from here on out, as you have the time and energy to do so. And spare a moment or three to send good vibes to all those affected by the Bastrop fires — or even better than Facebook-style vibes, find out ways you can help them re-build. (Like I said, we’ve got a full shed that Eric or anyone else with a truck can come scavenge to their hearts’ content; it’s not doing us any good with the stuff just sitting out there not being used. Contact us if you want to be one of those people.)