Archive for the 'look ma I can read' Category

May 06 2011

in-between

Dealing with Medicaid is a special hell, in terms of getting things scheduled and actually done. Each procedure needs “pre-authorization” that takes anywhere from 1-5 days, so nothing happens on a speedy time frame and there have been several re-schedules due to the authorizations not going through.

Radiation finished up last week, though the effects will be ongoing for a few weeks according to the doctors. Skin irritation on the abdomen, and some variable and lack of sensation in the anal and vaginal areas continue, hopefully as temporary effects. Hips are definitely still quite unstable, and the left hip continues to have very uncomfortable problems that make me think there is something bad happening on that side beyond compensatory imbalance. I definitely want to be wrong on that feeling.

We did another chest/abdomen/pelvis CT scan post radiation today (finally, after 3 reschedules) so that will hopefully tell us more about whether there is anything newly wrong on the left hip, as well as the progress so far from radiation treatment. It was painful and I was unable to straighten my left leg, thankfully we could arrange pillow props under my knee and still do the scan I cried and had to break once to sit up for a bit, but didn’t scream so that is some improvement from when I first began radiation a few weeks ago. Next week we have a consult for installing a port catheter in my chest for chemotherapy (and hopefully also the install itself, assuming we successfully navigate the pre-authorizations). My medical oncologist said that while the port will be sore for a few days, there’s nothing stopping us from beginning chemo right after it is in. So possibly as early as late next week, almost surely by the week after, I’ll be beginning chemotherapy treatments. We will do some number of these, every 2-3 weeks depending on how my blood cell count keeps up and in healthy ranges. Then we’ll schedule a mastectomy, which for me can’t come fast enough at this point because the lump under my arm is getting to be in the way and really painful. I am hoping it responds well to chemo so I can get some relief before surgery, but if it keeps up this bad I will of course be talking to the doctor to see if we have other options sooner like radiation for that spot or something.

I’m actually reading a couple of books, which I haven’t done in quite a long time. It’s good, it’s sparking writerly thoughts, unsurprisingly. My brain seems to be taking on the logistics of figuring out how it wants to be working during all of this madness, which pleases me since it’s a good brain and generally solves those types of problems well. Patience with the progress is a little trickier but I’m managing it admirably given everything else, I’d say.

I keep promising baby posts but reneging; hopefully I’ll quit being that naughty. In the meantime, still perfect baby, still awesomely low maintenance, still gorgeous and developing her superpowers daily. If you’re local, come meet her and join her fan club!

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Oct 01 2010

Cancer Chronicles: State of the Writer

Energy and stamina are still coming back online from being almost dead and the subsequent recovery.  For your information, being almost dead is apparently really draining on the body’s resources.  Surgery also.  Combine the two and you’re looking at a minimum of several months of not-optimal functioning — and that’s if you’re healing rapidly!

As you can imagine, any major change in activity or health during this time will slow down recovery even more.  Since surgery, I’ve taken back over house management duties including meal supplying and prep; taken on full-time parenting duties, including two hours a day of chauffeuring; had several weeks of sinus drainage and subsequent nausea; and one or two other things I might discuss elsewhere that are nevertheless similarly physically draining.

Needless to say (but I will), the writing has suffered.  Surprisingly, I was actually managing to sustain regular writing and editing up until this month’s sinus/allergy attack (fuck you, autumn).  The past three weeks I’ve averaged maybe one or two writing sessions a week (mostly blog entries, though the Callie ones definitely count for writing), and tons of reading research (back to the Crime Library and Wikipedia).  This is significantly down from 4-5 sessions a week plus research time, much of that non-blog writing.  Le sigh.

I’m obviously past another level on the path toward pro if I’m whining about ONLY getting 1-2 writing sessions plus research time a week like that’s slacking.  Which, for where my writing is at and needs to be, it IS slacking.  It’s good to remember where I’m at and where I’ve been, how doggedly I kept writing and editing up to a week before surgery, how quickly I was back to it afterward given my health levels (research from the first week out, writing from a month out).  And also remember how much I am daily pushing my body to the limits of what it can do, so that I can extend those limits, and how careful I must be to not over-extend past limits — there’s a very important difference between pushing and pushing over.  And one thing the cancer experience teaches even us incredibly stubborn over-achievers is how to discern the healthy side of that limit line.

I’m mostly past the sinus stuff.  My always awesome and excellent editor Mary Bass (message me if you need contact info for pro editing!) has given me edits for most of the stories I currently have finished (there might be a couple I haven’t dug up to send her yet somewhere).  This weekend I might even get some editing time in on updating a few.  I suspect over the next few months I’ll ramp up and wrap up a few large outstanding projects as well as meet my “stories out circulating” goals.

And then I’ll take a month off to just read.  Read for fun, what a shocking idea!

After that it’ll be time to start the second novel.  Which already has half-a-dozen people eagerly awaiting it.  That’s a nice feeling.

Staying alive is definitely worth the journey, but only if you fill your life with as much love and creativity as you can fit in.

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Sep 14 2010

Reminder, reading tonight!

Published by Reesa under Writing, look ma I can read

Argh I’d meant to post a reminder earlier, but ahh well.  I’ll be doing my first public reading of a story tonight, at the United States Art Authority.  (Note: This event is NOT the same as the Bedpost Confessions reading the same week.  For some reason it failed to make their events list but the event has been confirmed by the event organizer.)   It’s one of the few erotica pieces I’ve written, and is rather close to home as it’s a breast-cancer-survivor story.  I hope to see you there!  I’ll be reading toward the end of the line-up; the event starts at 8pm but I’ll likely be reading during the second hour if the current line-up remains.

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